A Laundry List Of Things Humanity Has Yet To Agree On (Circa 2012)

There’s a lot going on in the world these days what with the Olympic games unfolding and the United States preparing for yet another presidential election and a whole lot of history repeating itself across the globe. All this talk of olympiads and national pride and whimsical political satire got me thinking, man, we have libraries upon libraries worth of history behind us and there is still a ton of things that mankind has yet to agree on. So here, in no particular order is an editorial list of lightning rod topics that I can assure you somebody somewhere on this prehistoric planet is debating at this very moment:

  • the existence of god or a creator by any other name
  • the origin of mankind
  • the existence of dinosaurs
  • the co-existence of man and dinosaur
  • the extinction of dinosaurs
  • the sixth extinction
  • gravity
  • whether lightning moves from the sky or from the ground
  • the death penalty
  • how to accurately measure crime and punishment
  • the existence of the illuminati
  • the assassination of jfk
  • the existence of extra-terrestrial life
  • what happened at roswell
  • the loch ness monster
  • bigfoot
  • the mythology of vampires
  • the longevity of planet earth
  • global warming
  • women’s rights
  • gay rights
  • human rights
  • the meaning, origin, and historical accuracy of the bible
  • the ten commandments
  • the beginning of time
  • the presence of ghosts
  • nature vs. nurture
  • the education system
  • taxation
  • abortion
  • adoption
  • the appropriate way to govern
  • daylight savings time
  • monetary currency
  • electric currency
  • language
  • the legal drinking age
  • the legal age of consent
  • contraception
  • recreational sex
  • what happens when we die
  • cell phone etiquette
  • the final episode of lost
  • the ending of inception
  • george lucas
  • star wars or star trek
  • the popularity of pop songs
  • the legitimacy of art
  • the legitimacy of music
  • the legitimacy of film
  • film ratings
  • the cultural impact of video games
  • the historical accuracy of historic events
  • the rules of engagement
  • recreational use of drugs
  • the use of plastics
  • the use of petroleum
  • our reliance on fossil fuels
  • clean energy
  • nuclear power
  • human waste
  • landfills
  • paper
  • water consumption
  • the origin of hiv/aids
  • the causes of cancer
  • cigarette smoking
  • healthcare
  • assisted suicide
  • how to feed the hungry
  • how to shelter the homeless
  • how to provide for those who are mentally incapacitated
  • appropriate tip percentage
  • the freedom of speech
  • the idea of freedom
  • the freedom of speech as it pertains to the internet
  • access to and policing of the internet
  • cencorship
  • the treatment of animals
  • foreign policy
  • the moral implications of reality tv
  • the statute of limitations
  • when life begins
  • the legitimacy of wrestling
  • fútbol, soccer, or football
  • vegetarianism
  • the causes of obesity
  • the regulation of fast food
  • the fda
  • corn syrup
  • gun control
  • the explicit nature of our naked bodies
  • a measurement of morality
  • the existence of the soul
  • astrology
  • circumcision
  • why we’re born with an appendix
  • the theory of evolution
  • the big bang theory
  • the meaning of life

That’s all I could come up with but I’m sure there’s more.


this is it, don’t get scared now

March 22, 2012 Leave a comment

perfect ovals

January 6, 2012 Leave a comment

II of IV | December 1, 2003

This will change your life.

I am happiness approaching. That is how he must see me. There are worlds and spaces between us, just as there are between his teeth. He wants nothing more than to be greeted, to be accepted, and to be seen.

In order to best accentuate the obvious lesson here, I must first rewind.

On November twentieth Chicago’s air is abundant with a bitter winter chill. It is warmed only by the sense of human anticipation. I spend the majority of this evening riding on commuter trains. Beginning on the red line, I ride to the Washington stop in downtown Chicago, a subway stop below the infamous Loop. I walk under ground, through a tunnel, over to the blue line stop of the same name. It is here that I catch a train northwest in the direction of O’Hare International Airport.

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mermaid fins & star tails

January 5, 2012 Leave a comment

III of IV | December 11, 2003

I KNOW something you don’t know. That is how she greets me. Tiffany Whitmore. Everyday, she greets me with her cute girl smile and her cute girl ponytails and her cute girl shoes that tap against the pavement.

She is always afloat with happiness and always has something to say. She always wants to be a step ahead of me. Her with her maturity. Her mother says that she is ten years old going on twenty-five. Whatever that means. Tiffany pretends not to like me sometimes because I am the type of kid that finds farts amusing. Although, she always offers me bubble gum or lollipops or sugarcoated pretzels, along with a bad joke or a lame piece of gossip or some new piece of intelligence that she picked up from hearing her parents talk over dinner.

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disaster with flirting

November 8, 2011 1 comment

Sometimes I wonder if from some alternate perspective
if palm trees look like legs,
if the sky looks like the ground,
if the Earth looks like it’s running.

We bend the truth sometimes with the intention of making a point.
Hypothetical penmanship.
The only difference between cursive and italic is intention.
If that’s true than it might seem like I’m changing the subject sometimes
but I’m really just trying to catch up on current events
like, where did you come from?

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October 28, 2011 Leave a comment

Categories: Phrankie


October 26, 2011 Leave a comment

Sometimes I spend too much time wondering if a certain somebody knows that they could still be my entire world if they randomly showed up at my door with a frozen pizza.

Categories: Phrankie